If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dignity is for republicans.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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