omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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