She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
