I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
