I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
