i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
