Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
