And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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