Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I enjoy the company of your penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
