it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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