I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
