Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
