She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
