She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
