so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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