At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
