After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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