no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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