Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize