Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
