just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
worst night to have a conscience
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
