Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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