too bad you live with your parents still
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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