note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
