It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
