Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
