They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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