For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize