My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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