Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
