just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
