Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
