I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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