we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
