Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
