Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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