Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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