Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
