I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
