I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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