Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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