It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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