I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
