well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
