I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
