I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
