dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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