roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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