hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
