Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
