i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize