I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
