we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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