Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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