I want you more than these girls want KFC
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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