my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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