i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
