The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
