STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
