you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
