Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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