K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I faked an abortion last night.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
now i know why i became what i already was.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
