My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
