so explain again why im purple
no
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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