Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
