that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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