Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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