He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
