U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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