WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
