so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
