Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't like sucking hair
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
