Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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