I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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