Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize