his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
