hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
