Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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