just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
