Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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