the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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