thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
