if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
