he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
