Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
