Me too!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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