Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
