oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
