dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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